Have you ever had that feeling of being completely content? that smooth feeling that washes over your entire body, letting you take a deep breath in and as you let out a subtle sigh, you suddenly see the world crystal clear. For the first time everything is how it should be. Fresh, alive, natural, passionate, creative, inspiring. I have always been to ambitious for my own good, its like my soul cannot sit still. My creativity and focus shifts on a daily basis, my impulses are something i've called my biggest curse but if not one of the greatest things to influence my creativity and career. I am constantly working on something, to find the end result of satisfaction but for some reason I never find it. For along time I have always felt like I'm still not where I 'should be' avoiding sleep as I feel like I could be doing something more beneficial with my time. I'm not sure who or what I've measured my life by for so long to make me feel so incomplete, its like i'm always searching for something but I've never realised what it was. It was never about making money. I grew up in a family of 7, myself and 4 brothers. At one stage there was all of us in a tiny 2 bedroom house, living off free school meals, hand me down clothes and pre owned christmas presents from cash convertors but I wouldn't change it for the world. Growing up in a family that had very little defiantly gives you a different perspective on life, you really don't need much to be happy, and if you want something you have to work for it. I remember when I was at uni - I worked hard and got myself a unconditional place and scholarship and then funded myself through the 3 year course, not once getting help from anyone. University was the most 'poor' i'd ever been, I remember having between £6-£10 food budget per week, no one at uni has any money but I think all students agree its one of the happiest times of your life. I never went to university with the idea of leaving and making lots of money, so if i'm not working for money what am i working for? We live in a society where your yearly salary determines how successful you are, how much better your life is compared to everyone earning less than you, but the funny thing is money really is nothing. Most of us never see it apart from numbers on a bank balance and you trade in for things you don't really need. Most people don't know I work a 42 hour week at a desk between monday to friday, not really the standard 'Blogger' lifestyle. I remember telling my brothers my salary when I started the job, they couldn't believe how much I was earning, and I must admit I was excited. I remember saying to my uncle, I've gone so long without any disposable income now I just don't know what to spend it all on, but then 6 months have passed and the salary no longer excites me. It made me realise what is valuable to me - my creativity. Since working at my desk job, even though it eats up most of my time it has really pushed me in other areas of my life, more than I could have ever imagined. It makes me value my free time more, I get excited for the end of the day and how I will spend the last remaining hours before I have to sleep and be up and leave for work at 7.30am the next morning. Its makes me want to achieve more, be more, create more. The last 6 months have been the most creatively fuelling for me in every area of my life and for the first time I can say I feel content with where I am, what I've achieved and where I'm heading. Without money I would still survive but without my creativity I would no longer be what made me.
Emilie Layla Lovaine